Attack of the Rolling Cheese Part II
by Master Zakath
Summary: I’ll try to keep this short. Very random and full of sheer lunacy. You don’t have to read Cheese Part I to understand this; they have almost nothing in common. My best friend wrote Cheese I. Some adult language and violence. Read it if you dare.
1. It Starts

**Attack of the Rolling Cheese Part II:**

**The Adventure Continues**

Chapter 1: It Starts

It was raining. A lone rider approached the entrance to Hickory Heights. The pair of wheels turned quietly as the bike made its way up the road.

The figure seated on the bike was small. Very small in build, with small feet and hands and long, thin fingers controlling the handle bars.

The bike stopped at the Hickory Heights entrance, the breaks squeaking slightly. The rider got off the bike and began to walk it up the hill, completely ignoring the large, expensive houses on either side of the road. Upon reaching the top of the hill, the figure got back on the bike and began to ride down the road, again ignoring the houses.

At last, the destination came into view. It was the House of Adrienne, also known as the last Housely Home this side of the stop sign.

It was a nice looking house that was made of brick and had a green awning over the front door. Of course, the moat surrounding it was purely for decoration, since the bridge connecting the driveway and the road couldn't be closed off (Um…can someone please explain to me why, exactly, is there a bridge and moat in the middle of Hickory Heights? Oh, and for those of you who haven't yet figured it out, Hickory Heights is a very nice residential community).

The bike crossed over the bridge then stopped. The rider got off the bike and tethered (!) it to the railing that ran, for some unknown reason, along one side of the driveway. After making sure that the rope was tied securely, the person leaned over the bike and said in a soft whisper, "I don't want you trying to go off anywhere while I'm inside."

The bike was defiantly silent, then proceeded to roll back several inches, tugging at the rope. The strange rider sighed, then turned and started to walk to the door.

Upon reaching the door, a fisted hand rose up and knocked three times (ah, why is the person knocking when there's a doorbell?). After a few seconds, the door opened and the figure stepped inside.

The small hands reached up to remove the old army coat and to push back the Kelly green hood of the swim team hoodie. She was short, about 5'2, and very thin.

Just then, someone came down the stairs. This someone was taller than the strange girl standing in the entry way by about an inch. This someone looked around and saw the girl standing there and…

"Hey, Jill," she said to the person who had just come into the house. (Well, at least we know the strange person's name. by the way, since we're all giving introductions, my name's Zakath, or Jill, whichever you prefer, and yes, I'm the same Jill in the story, but no, none of this ever really happened. sigh)

"Hi, Adie," Jill replied, reaching up to brush her hair out of her eyes.

"Did your dad drive you?"

"No. I rode my bike."

"Oh, god."

"What?"

"You're an idiot, that's what."

"Hey! I resent that. And, no, I'm not an idiot."

"Whatever, Jill."

Jill just glared at Adrienne for a few moments, then, more to break the silence than anything, Adie asked, "So are you hungry?"

"Do I ever really get hungry?"

"Good point. Well, I'm a little hungry, so I'm going to get some string cheese. I'll grab some for you, too, just in case." Then she went to the kitchen to get the cheese, leaving Jill standing alone in the entryway (snicker).

A few minutes later, Adie found Jill looking at DVDs. "Hey, Adie. I vote we watch this one. We watched Two Towers last time."

Adrienne looked at the movie Jill had in her hand. It was Pirates of the Caribbean. "Ok, sounds good to me."

"Great."

After the movie, Adrienne and Jill sat at the table arguing about man toys (long story, so I'm not explaining). Then a sudden idea came to Adie.

"Hey, Jill, do you want me to run upstairs and give you that one David Eddings book?"

"Yeah, ok."

"I'll be right back."

About a minute later, Jill heard Adrienne's voice calling down to her.

"JILL, where is it?"

Jill started to laugh, but quickly stifled the laughter. Then she called back up to Adie, "Where's what?"

Adrienne came quickly down the stairs so she didn't have to yell.

"My cardboard Legolas stand up. Where is it?" (Another long story)

"How should I know?" she replied innocently. (Note: when Jill pretends to be innocent, she's definitely not)

"C'mon Jill. Where is it?"

"Oh, fine. It's in Joey's room."

"Joey's room? Why on earth would you put it in there?"

"I knew you wouldn't look in there."

"You're insane."

"Thank you. Well, should we go rescue Legolas or not?"

About 15 minutes later (and no, it didn't take that long to move Legolas) Adrienne and Jill were sitting with more string cheese and watching some random movie on TV.

"Hey, Adie, let's go over to my house."

"Ok, umm, why?"

"I got something delivered to me and… well, you have to see it to believe it."

"What is it?"

"A box. But it's big."

"How big?"

"Bigger than me."

"Whoa. That _is_ big."

"Yeah, but it's more what the label says that interests me."

"Ok. Umm, what time is it?"

"About 12."

"I have to be home by 7:30."

"That's fine."

"Oh, wait. My parents aren't home."

"That's ok."

"Jill, I really don't feel like riding a bike all the way to your house."

"You won't have to."

"What do you mean?" Adie demanded suspiciously.

"You'll see. C'mon, let's go."

They both put on their shoes and went outside to where the bike was tethered, but they didn't find a bike. It was a horse.

"Um, Jill, I think there's something seriously wrong here," Adie said, staring at the big horse.

The horse was a large, powerful looking roan. It had an ugly face and flat, unfriendly eyes. It was pawing restlessly at the ground and looked as though it might try to bite anyone who came too close.

Adrienne's eyes narrowed. "Hey, wait a second. He looks exactly like… it has to be! Jill, it's Faran!"

Jill shook her head. "No. His name is Bikan."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

"Ok, whatever. But how did he get here?"

"I don't know, but I knew he'd be here. I don't know how, but I did."

"That's strange. Hey, where's your bike?"

"Right here."

"What?"

"The horse. He's my bike, but as a horse instead."

"What the… Hey! I thought you said you didn't know how he got here!"

"I don't. But I know what he is."

"Jill, are you absolutely _positive_ he's not Faran?"

She nodded.

"How?" Adie demanded.

"Look at his right shoulder."

Adie looked more closely at the horse's shoulder, just like Jill said. On the shoulder, there was a white circle that had a sort of silvery sheen to it. It was almost exactly the size of Jill's palm.

"That's freaky," said Adie.

"Yeah, I know. Now let's get going," Jill said as she was mounting.

"Ok," said Adie, mounting behind Jill. "You don't think it'll snow, do you? I've heard that horses don't like snowstorms."

"Umm, Adie, it's the middle of June, remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Now I just have one more question."

"What's that?"

"Since when do I have a moat?"

"I was hoping you could tell me."

Jill and Adie dismounted in front of Jill's house. By this time, the sun was shining and it was almost 80° outside. Jill went inside for a few moments to put the hoodie and the jacket away, then she came outside again to where Adie was inspecting the suspicious looking box in the front yard.

"Umm, Jill?"

"Yeah?"

"Why is it out here in the middle of your yard?"

"Oh, I didn't feel like moving it inside. It's really heavy, you know."

"It _looks_ heavy, and it _is_ a bit weird that something this size should be delivered to you, but I don't really see what's so important about it. Why exactly did you feel you had to come get me?"

"Did you see the label?"

"No," Adie replied. "What's it say?"

"It says that the big box here is imported silk."

"So? It's not really unheard of."

"Imported silk from any other country would have been fine, if not a little strange since I know we can't afford it. But not imported silk from _that_ particular country."

"Why? What country does it say it comes from?"

"Drasnia."

When Adrienne heard this, she was more than a little freaked out. All she could do was stand there, staring first at Jill, then at the box.

"Well, Adie? Should we open it?"

"I don't really see what choice we have. We need to find out what's inside."

"Okay, then."

Jill grabbed the crowbars that were, for some strange reason, by the front door. Then she and Adie set to work prying off the top of the box. It took about 10 minutes, and when they were done, they turned the box over on its side. A small, rat-faced little man with a long nose rolled out.

End of Chapter 1


	2. The Others

Chapter 2: The Others

Cara Wise sat at her table working hard on her summer homework. At the moment she was fretting over a paper for Honors Chemistry.

She gave an exasperated sigh and cried out in frustration. "Oh, no! I'll never have enough time to finish this before school starts!"

Unknown to Cara, a small figure was creeping up slowly behind her, holding something in its hand…

………………………………………………………………………………...

Kaiting smiled broadly as he happily worked at dismantling a computer. This time it _was_ going to work when he put it back together.

He got up and went over to the window to rest his eyes for a moment. There was a large group of children playing outside in the street.

"Idiots," he muttered to himself.

As he sat back down, he turned up the volume on his boom box. He smiled again as his favorite Chinese rap song came on. Then he got back to work on his computer…

………………………………………………………………………………...

Mr. McGowan was enjoying his summer. He was so relieved to have a break from teaching.

_Stupid 9th graders,_ he thought to himself. _They were all so annoying, especially Headbutt and that other one, whatever her name was._ Teaching was such a stressful job. He wondered what Headbutt and 'that other one' were doing right now. Probably something strange…

………………………………………………………………………………...

John Williams, called 'Billy' by the swim team, turned into the McDonald's drive-thru. He was in his old truck.

Billy hummed to himself and drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he waited his turn. The song he was humming was "B – B – B – Billy," the song the freshmen had made up for him this year. The kids _had_ driven him crazy, but he still decided that he liked coaching enough to come back next year.

After he placed his order, he sat and tried to remember all the words to the song he was humming. He could not, but he remembered that he _had_ liked most of the song (even if Billy _could_ remember all the words, it's not like I'd really put them in the story).

Billy shrugged his shoulders, said, "Oh, well," and paid for his food. He began to eat as he turned out onto the road…

………………………………………………………………………………...

Rachel Kurta stepped up onto the starting block. She was calm and collected as she heard her coach call out, "Swimmers, take your mark."

Her muscles tightened, and she waited for the sound that would signal the start. There it was.

She began to shut out the rest of the world as she pushed off the block and dove into the cool water.

End of Chapter 2

(Oh, by the way, all of these people are real, and yes, I really do know all of them. I'm not entirely certain that this chapter has all that much to do with the story, except to bring out the randomness. Oh, well. If you know me, you know that this is what I'm like)


	3. People That Actually Matter

Chapter 3: People That Actually Matter

Jessica Tedder sat underneath the tree outside her house watching the little people play. She would join them, but she decided that she was too lazy (the sad part is that this is actually true).

Tedder (this is what her friends call her) saw one of her good friends, Andy Yunker, riding towards her on his bike. He slowed, then stopped a few feet away.

"Hey, Tedder," he said.

"Hi, Andy."

"Why aren't you playing with the little people?"

"I'm too lazy today."

"You always say that."

"That's because it's true."

"Yeah, maybe," he conceded. "Hey, do you have anything to drink?"

"In the kitchen. You can go get it."

"Do you want me to get you something, too?"

"No. I'm too lazy."

"You're too lazy to lift a cup to your mouth!?"

"Yes, I am."

"Geez, you _are_ lazy."

"Yep."

Andy went inside to get some water, then came back out and sat with Tedder, talking about some random stuff.

"Hey, Tedder, do you finally have the good bike over here at your mom's house?" Andy asked after a few minutes of pointless conversation.

"Yeah, why?"

"I just thought you might like to go do something, that's all."

"Umm, no."

"Why not?"

"I already told you. I'm too lazy."

"Really, Tedder, you have to get up and do something, unless of course you _want_ to stay here and get fat." (I think it should be known that Tedder is even skinnier than I am, and that's saying something)

"You're really one to talk," she said. Then she hit him.

"Ow! God, what the hell was that for, you bitch?"

"What do you think, Andy?"

They glared at each other for a few moments. Then Andy broke the silence. "C'mon. Let's go see what Jill's doing."

"How do you know she's home?"

"When is Jill not home?"

"Good point."

Tedder got up and went inside. A few minutes later, she came back out with her bike. She looked just a bit unhappy.

"You better be right, Andy," she said. "If Jill's not home, I'm going to hit you again."

"Tedder, let's think about this for a minute. One: Jill hardly ever goes anywhere without one of us, two: it's the middle of summer and she doesn't have to work today, and three: her parents are working and she can't drive. Where could she possibly be except her house?" (I would like to take this opportunity to let you all know that when I wrote this I couldn't drive, but now I can)

"The woods."

"Even if she _is_ in the woods, which I doubt because it rained earlier, I know exactly where she would be, so we can just go down and get her."

Tedder groaned. "Why do you people have to be so active?"

"It's called having fun, Tedder."

"So? Why can't you just have fun sitting under a tree like I do?"

"Unlike you, Tedder, some of us actually _like_ to do things other than sitting around all day."

"You're all freaks of nature."

"Actually, that would be you, Tedder."

"Shut up."

"Let's just go. All we're doing right now is wasting time."

Tedder mumbled something to herself as she got on her bike.

"What was that?" Andy asked.

"Oh, nothing," Tedder replied in an innocent tone. "Well, we should go. After all, you said that we're just wasting time right now."

She started to ride up the street. Andy rolled his eyes and followed.

(The really sad thing is that everything in this section is really true and really did happen. I was there when it did, but I altered it a little so that I could use it in this story)

………………………………………………………………………………...

Stephanie Leger was mad. Maybe mad wasn't the right word. Maybe implosively angry would be closer. She really wasn't having a very good summer.

Billiam and Matt (two of her younger brothers) were driving her absolutely crazy (Billiam isn't really his name. That's just what he's called).

First, Matt had followed her around all morning, singing stupid songs, quoting Spongebob, and just being his annoying, idiotic self. Then Billiam had joined in. at first they were both fine with what Matt had originally been doing, but even that got old to them eventually. They started to tease her and call her names, which really didn't bother her too much. But then they started to hit her, throw things at her, and make fun of Legolas.

Stephi decided that she didn't want to deal with it anymore, so she went into her room and locked the door to get away. Unfortunately, the locked door didn't keep Billiam and Matt out for very long. They soon found a wire hanger and picked the lock.

"Get out of here!"Stephi yelled as soon as they had the door open.

"Get out of here," they repeated back to her.

"Oh, don't you even start that!" she said irritably.

"Oh, don't you even start that," they said in unison.

Stephanie had finally had enough. She pushed her brothers aside and stormed downstairs. She found her mom in the kitchen.

"Mom, make them leave me alone!"

Her mom instantly understood. "Boys!" she called. "Leave your sister alone! Now!"

Stephi sauntered back up to her room. She selected a book and sat down in her chair. As she began to read, she wondered how the summer was going for her friends…

………………………………………………………………………………...

Jill and Adrienne stood staring dumbstruck at the man who had just rolled out of the crate. Neither one moved as the man got up slowly and began to brush himself off.

The man was not very tall. In fact, he was barely taller than the two girls staring at him. However, one could tell by looking at him that he was quite strong and fast.

He had a face like a rat and a long, pointed nose. His hair was black and slightly messy (due to the fact that he had just rolled out of a crate) and his clothes didn't even look like they belonged anywhere, except maybe medieval times. Or possibly 15th century Russia. Anyhow, the man was just in the middle of straightening his hair and his clothes when he finally noticed his surroundings. His eyes went wide with astonishment and confusion as they looked around, finally coming to rest on the dumbfounded girls. The eyes went momentarily wider, then narrowed in a sudden, suspicious curiousness.

"Sorry about that," he said pleasantly. "Just another one of those unfortunate accidents; you know the kind I mean." He paused for a moment, then smacked his forehead with dramatic exaggeration. "Oh, how stupid of me! I forgot to introduce myself. I'm Ambar of Kotu, a humble yet wealthy spice merchant."

Ambar stopped and looked at the faces of the girls who were staring at him with their eyes wide and mouths slightly open. He fought down a momentary feeling of dismay. "Uh, you _do_ understand me, don't you?"

He waited for a reply. It was Jill who spoke. "We understand you just fine, but… well, you see, it's just that…" she struggled with it.

After a moment, Ambar decided to help. "It's not everyday you find a strange man rolling out of a crate in your yard?"

Jill and Adie nodded.

Ambar smiled, feeling more relaxed. "Well," he started. "I suppose I do sort of owe you an explanation," he said, even as he began to fabricate the story in his head.

"I was in my warehouse supervising the loading of my spices into crates. It was all going quite well until one of my workers accidentally hit me in the head with the replacement support beam he was carrying."

"Replacement support beam?" Adie asked, puzzled.

"We're in the middle of renovating a section of the warehouse. Anyhow, when I was hit, I was also knocked off the edge of the catwalk I was on. I landed in this crate, and the force of my landing caused the top of the box to swing shut. There you have it. I gave you and explanation, now you need to give me one." He waited expectantly, and again Jill spoke.

"That was a lie. It wasn't even a very good lie. Honestly, if you're not going to tell us the truth, you can at least live up to your name and tell us something a bit more creative than that piece of crap story."

"I beg your pardon?" Ambar said indignantly. "How dare you accuse me of lying like-"

"Save it," Adie said. "We're really not _that_ stupid. Jill's right. That whole story was just some elaborate lie that you probably made up just now. My guess is that you probably have multiple daggers hidden under your clothing and you are that you are skilled in fighting and acrobatics."

Ambar's mouth had dropped and his eyes bulged slightly. "But you… but I'm-"

Jill was the one who interrupted this time. "Your real name is Kheldar, not Ambar, and you're not from Kotu, you were born in Boktor instead. You aren't just some ordinary guy, you're a prince. Your uncle is King Rhodar of Drasnia, but you hate the fact that you're in line for the throne. You travel as much as you can and you usually go by the name Silk. And you're not a spice merchant. Aside from being a prince, you're also a liar, a thief, an assassin, an acrobat, and a spy for your uncle's government."

By this time the man had quite nearly collapsed from shock. It took him a while to regain his composure. "Alright," he said. "You seem to know just about everything about me, but I still know nothing about you. I think we should start with a fairly easy question."

He looked moe closely at the girls who were apparently not quite what they seemed. Then, in a soft, suspicious voice, he asked, "Who are you?"

End of Chapter 3


	4. Lots of Long, Boring Explanations

Chapter 4: Lots of Long, Boring Explanations

Andy and Tedder were bickering again. Tedder was groaning about the hill they had to ride up, and Andy was going on about how Tedder needed to exercise more anyway.

"Ohh, I could be sitting under my tree right now, being lazy and perfectly content."

"Jesus, Tedder, this hill isn't _that_ bad. Besides, how often does Jill come over to your house, and you never go over to hers?"

"Jill hasn't been at my house for a long time!"

"That's because you're too lazy! Like I said before, Jill actually _likes_ being active."

"Well, she's an insane freak!"

"She's not a freak, even if she _is_ a little insane."

"I win."

"What?"

"I win. I got you to admit that Jill's insane."

"Tedder, I'm not so stupid that it's taken me this long to figure out that Jill's insane. She only reminds us about three times a day."

"You have a point there."

"See? You don't win after all. I do."

"Now wait just a minute there, Andy! You haven't…"

They continued fighting with each other and didn't stop until they turned onto Jill's street. (Conversations between Andy and Tedder really do go just like this one. Oh, and by the way, that whole thing about me being insane is just an inside joke)

………………………………………………………………………………...

Adrienne had finished introducing herself, but she had left out a few of her names in order to save time. Unfortunately for her, Jill was about to take advantage of that.

"Well," she started. "I'm Shadow Kamedake Hasaka Gene Zeke Van Irvine…"

She continued to recite her many names while being chased in circles by an irate Adrienne, who was moving much faster than usual. Jill, however, was too quick for her, always bounding just out of Adie's reach. All the while, the man called Silk stood there, listened, and watched, completely dumbfounded, which was not something that happened very often.

Finally, after about 5 minutes, Jill finished with, "Guru, Messenger, and Master. And that was the abbreviated version."

"WHAT?" Adrienne and Silk said simultaneously.

"I still have about 100 more names or so," said Jill.

Silk, who was very confused, said, "You two are very strange, you know."

"We know," said Adrienne.

"I seem to recognize some of your names. In fact, I recognize so many of them that I'm surprised neither of you are claiming to be Polgara or Garion."

"Oh," said Jill. "That. Yes, well, umm, actually, she's Polgara and I'm Garion, but we decided to leave those particular names out so as not to confuse you."

"Too late. I'm already more confused than I've ever been."

"Umm, well, uh, sorry about that."

"I don't understand. How can you be more than one person at the same time? It just doesn't make any sense."

"Actually," said Adie. "If you think about it, it makes perfect sense. You do exactly the same thing, though for entirely different reasons. You see, you do it to disguise yourself, but Jill and I do it for fun. Or, in Jill's case, to annoy people ("Hey!"). So really, us having multiple names is no different from you using Radek of Boktor or Ambar of Kotu."

Silk blinked for a few seconds then burst out laughing. "You two are even more strange than I thought!" He stopped laughing a few seconds later. "Alright," he said. "Seeing as you both have quite a few names, which ones should I use?"

"You can just call me Adrienne or Adie. Either one works."

"And you can call me Zakath." Jill got one of Adie's elbows in her ribs. "Oh, fine then. Call me Leto the second, or just Leto."

"Umm, may I point out that you don't really know that much about Leto?" Adie said.

"So? I personally really don't care. All I need to know is that Leto rules the universe."

"Yes, but then Leto dies."

"Everybody dies eventually." She paused, then, seeing the look on Adie's face, added, "You're not going to win this, you know. It's either going to be Leto II or Zakath of Mallorea. Your pick."

Adrienne sighed in resignation. "Fine, then. Have it your way, Leto."

Jill smiled. "See? I always win one way or the other."

"You most certainly do not!" Adie exclaimed. "I'm usually the one who wins the arguments and…" Adrienne's tirade was interrupted by Silk, who had seen this as a good time to intervene in the argument.

"Ah, girls, while this is all absolutely fascinating, I still need to ask a few more questions."

Adie and "Leto" stopped in the act of trying to push each other to the ground. In the heat (or excitement) of the argument, both of them had almost forgotten about the strange man standing there in the front yard.

Jill let go of Adrienne and took a few steps towards Silk. Adie, who had been leaning against Jill during their fight, was thrown off balance and fell forward, nearly landing flat on her face.

"Of course. What is it exactly that you wanted to know?" Jill asked, completely and totally oblivious to the nasty look Adrienne shot at her.

"Well," Silk started. "I know your names, but I still don't know exactly who you are, nor do I know _what_ you are."

"Oh. Well, as to _who_ we are, that changes with our names, but at the same time it doesn't. You see, no matter which name we choose, or you choose, we will always be the exact same to the people who know us, but we can completely alter the conceptions of those who don't really know us, hence changing exactly who we are in _their_ eyes. By changing my name, I can become the greatest ruler ever known to man, or the sorriest excuse for a gunman alive. In _this_ world, and to the people who know me, I will always be a short and blond teenager. No matter what name I use, that's what I'll be, and no matter what name Adie uses, she'll always be a complete and total idiot who is over-obsessive about her grades." Jill paused to catch her breath, then started again. "As for your second question, we're Americans."

"I'm assuming, of course, that you _are_ human," Silk said.

"Of course we are. We're also high school students."

"And swimmers," Adie added.

"Don't forget geniuses," Jill said.

"You're also insane."

"This is true."

"And you're lazy."

"Also true."

"And I'm insane."

"Indeed you are."

"But not as crazy as you."

"I don't think anyone is."

"Neither do I."

"Don't forget. I'm perfect."

"Ah, yes. How could I leave that out?"

"Because you're an idiot."

"I am, aren't I?"

"Indeed."

Silk was stuck somewhere between amusement and total confusion. Things weren't going quite the way he had hoped.

"Fine. Let's go with an easier question," he said. "Where exactly are we?"

Jill and Adie looked at each other, then burst out laughing. When they saw the half-annoyed, half-confused look on Silk's face, they laughed even harder.

"Will you please just answer my question?" he asked in a pained voice.

"Sure," said Jill, still laughing. "But the answer won't help you any."

"Please just answer the question. Where are we?"

"As in what country?" Adie said.

"Yes."

"Alright. I'll tell you, but I doubt it's going to be of any help."

"Just tell me where I am!"

"You're in America. Or the United States of America, to be more precise."

Jill broke in. "Of course, seeing as America is such a large country, I doubt that knowing its name is going to help you much."

"What _will_ help me, then?"

"At this point, probably nothing," Jill said.

Silk gave her a hard look, which, if you know anything about him, is a pretty scary thing.

"Well, if you're going to put it that way, I suppose I could tell you a bit more about where we are," she said.

"Wise decision," Silk replied.

While all this had been going on, Adrienne had doubled over in silent laughter. Jill, who had noticed this, was slowly inching towards an unsuspecting Adrienne, while giving Silk details about their location.

"You are in a galaxy called the Milky Way, in a small solar system, and on a planet whose official scientific name is Terris. The United States is located on the continent of North America, which is in both the Northern and Western hemispheres. The state you are in is called Pennsylvania, and it is in the Northeastern part of the U.S. There are three rivers, the Ohio, the Monongahela, and the Allegheny, that come together at a point. The city of Pittsburgh is built on the rivers, and is in southwestern PA. We are about 18 miles south of the city of Pittsburgh, and just north of here is a town called Bridgeville. You are standing outside of my house, 732 Wheatland Circle, in a residential community called Hunting Ridge, which is in a township called South Fayette, the Home of the Little Green Machine Marching Band. The high school is about 8 ½ miles over in that direction (she points)." There was a brief pause as Jill whacked Adie on the head ("Krunk!"). "And just in case all _that_ wasn't enough for you, you are located at about 40-some° N, 80-some° W on the latitude and longitude world grid. Now, assuming that you didn't understand half of what I said, and you probably didn't, I'd say you're more or less screwed."

Silk stared at Jill in bewilderment. "You know, I hate to say it, but you're probably right. I've never heard of North America before, and the gods know I have no idea what the hell a solar system is." He paused thoughtfully, but was distracted by Adrienne, who was rhythmically hitting herself on the head with an idiotic smile. "Um, Leto, what's wrong with her?"

Jill turned to look at Adie. "Adrienne, no!" Jill ran over to Adie and pulled both of Adie's arms away from her head. She looked closely at her friend. "Adrienne?" she said.

"Who's Adrienne? And why are you holding my arms?"

"Oh, God, not now, Adie."

"You've been drinking again, haven't you?"

Jill rolled her eyes and looked over at Silk. "Sorry about this. She does it all the time. I'll have it fixed in about a minute."

"Oh, do you know this man, Jack? Why don't you introduce us?" Adie said.

Jill looked skyward in disgust, then proceeded to hit Adrienne on the head nine times. "Adrienne?" she said.

"Yes?"

"What on earth possessed you to do that!" Jill exploded.

"I dunno. I guess I just didn't fell like being Harry, that's all."

"You what!" Jill stared at Adie in disbelief, her mouth hanging slightly open. After a few seconds, she asked Adie in a low voice, "How can you even think about doing _that_ at a time like this?"

"I dunno. La la la…" she started to dance around, continuing her la-la-ing (the really sad part is that she actually does do this quite often).

Jill looked darkly at her, then sighed in exasperation. Silk made it clear that he felt the same way by the look on his face.

Off in the distance, and getting closer, Jill heard voices.

"Why am I doing this? I'm lazy!"

"Shut up, Tedder!"

End of Chapter 4


	5. Okay, So Maybe Some Explanations Aren

Chapter 5: Okay, So Maybe Some Explanations Aren't _That_ Boring

Andy and Tedder turned their bikes onto Jill's street, still bickering.

"Why am I doing this? I'm lazy!"

"Shut up, Tedder!" And that ended the argument (See? I told you they'd stop as soon as they got to Jill's street. I'm so smart). Andy was looking at Jill's house (bikes move fast enough that he'd probably be able to see it by now, and if not, there _are_ three people standing in front of it, so he'd at least be able to see _them_).

"Hey, Tedder, who is that with Jill?"

"That's Adrienne, you idiot."

"I know that, but I was talking about the guy."

"What guy?"

"He's standing right there, Tedder."

"Oh! I see him now. Do you know who it is?"

"If I knew who he was, would I have asked you?"

"Oh, yeah! You did ask me, didn't you?"

"God, Tedder. You have the mental capacity of a 2 year old."

"I do not! I have the kapastity of a 6 year old."

Andy rolled his eyes. "You can't even pronounce it correctly. Well, I guess we might as well go talk to Jill and find out who that dude is." He raised his voice a bit so Jill could hear him. "Hallo, Jill."

Jill, who had been about to say something to the man, turned and looked at Andy and Tedder, clearly very surprised.

"What are you guys doing here?" she asked.

"We came to see what you were doing." He caught sight of Adrienne, who was still dancing and la-la-ing. "Oh, god. What's wrong with her this time?"

"She decided to become Elizabeth, and I had to fix that on account of our friend here." She indicated the strange man standing next to her.

"Oh, yeah," Andy said. "I was going to ask you about him, but I forgot until just now. ADD." He shrugged apologetically. "Anyhow, who is he?"

"His name is Silk."

Andy started. "Hey! Isn't that the name of that one dude from—"

Jill nodded. "Belgariad/Malloreon. Silk the spy."

Andy looked at the man, then turned back to Jill. "But how…?"

Jill shook her head. "it's complicated. I don't even know exactly how he got here, and, all things considered, I'm not entirely sure that I'd understand it even if I _did_ know."

Suddenly Jill noticed something odd. Tedder hadn't said anything yet.

"Hey, Andy, where's Chedward?"

The three of them (Andy, Silk, and Jill) turned to look for Tedder. It only took a moment. Tedder and Adrienne were dancing around in circles together, both of them la-la-ing (and yes, this really does happen sometimes. I have such an interesting group of friends, don't I?).

"God," said Jill. "they're acting like kids."

"Yes," Silk said. "Just like a pack of kids."

Jill turned to look at Andy and both of them burst into gales of hysterical laughter. Silk sighed and said, "Just like a bunch of kids."

Jill and Andy laughed even harder.

(I can pretty much guarantee that you won't understand that whole laughing bit unless you either 1: have now or had Kosik for 10th grade English, or 2: have seen fit for some unknown reason to read _The Lord of the Flies_ at some point in your otherwise not-to-exciting-life.)

………………………………………………………………………………...

Stephanie Anne Leger was only slightly confused as she got into the front seat of her car. Jill was usually confusing, which, if you know her, means that you're confused when she's not being confusing. This can be a very confusing concept, however, confusing though it may be, it makes perfect sense to those who are not confused by Jill's confusing-ness, and are only confused by Jill being un-confusing.

All Stephi knew was that Master had called and asked, no, _ordered_ her to poof directly over to Jill's house. This was fine with Stephi, since she hadn't seen anyone all summer (wow. 2 ½ weeks. Such a long time). She was also glad to get out of her house and away from her brothers. She looked happily out the window as her mom turned the car onto school road.

………………………………………………………………………………...

When all the la-la-ing and dancing had been completed and Jill had finally managed to get Adie's attention, she suggested that they move down into the woods to avoid people staring (the house is a mess, so there's no point in going inside). Adrienne, Andy, and Silk immediately agreed, but Tedder declared that she was too lazy to walk down there and promptly collapsed in Jill's front yard. Jill rolled her eyes, then led the others down into the woods.

"So, let me get this straight," Silk said after a few moments of discussion. "I've been transported to your world from mine by some magical force?"

"Yep," said Jill. "It's happened before, just with different people from different worlds."

"And now you guys want to help me find some way to get back?"

"Of course we do," Adie said.

"Why?"

"Dude, we're helping you out, so just accept our help and let it drop," Jill said. Once again, Silk gave her a hard look.

"Okay, okay. Look, this is going to be hard for you to understand, but I'm asking you to just go with it, alright?"

"Alright."

"We know everything about you. Absolutely everything, including some things that probably haven't happened yet. But it's not just you. We know everything about everyone; Polgara, Belgarath, Garion, Hettar, and all the others. Everything about everyone, including the life stories of Polgara and Belgarath. We know who you all are, and who you will all become. We also know the importance of your missions, and, assuming that certain things still need to happen, you have to get back to your world or else the mission will fail."

Silk blinked in surprise. "Am I really _that_ important!"

"Yes," Adie said, "you are. Now before we can help you, you need to tell us exactly what's been happening to you and where you were. We need to know what you guys have been doing so we can figure out how to get you back to your world."

Silk looked at her suspiciously.

"Silk, it's okay. We've been through this before; we can figure out how to help you."

"It's not that. It's…"

"For god's sake! I already told you, we know what's been stolen and by who. Telling us where the others are will _help_ your mission, not hurt it!" Jill exploded. Silk saw that she was quite serious. He had no choice but to trust her.

"Alright. The Alorn Kings bullied Fulrach into sending us to Val Alorn to consult with King Aheg and the other kings of Aloria. Basically, they told us a load of things that we already knew. Then there was an attack on the palace, but you already know all about that, or so you say. We were just getting ready to leave Val Alorn. I was walking down the street when I was knocked out by something. I woke up in that box just before you let me out. And that, my friends, is all I can tell you."

"You're still in Val Alorn!" Adie exclaimed. "But you can't be _that_ far back! This is going to take forever!"

"May I point out that _I_ am no longer in Val Alorn?"

"Oh, shut up. You know what I meant." Silk began to chuckle. Jill, however, was lost in thought. Silk suddenly remembered something.

"Ah, I forgot to mention this, but I'm not quite sure if it means anything. When I was knocked out, I was walking past a very shady looking cheese shop. Does that mean anything to you?"

Jill and Adrienne started, then looked at Andy, who also understood. Silk however, became very confused by their reactions. The three teenagers ignored him as they silently confirmed each other's suspicions.

………………………………………………………………………………...

Mrs. Yunker placed Andy's clothes on his bed and then looked around the room making sure that everything was in order. She noticed that a few of his books were out of place, so she moved over to his book case to fix that. As she was straightening the books, she noticed the titles on two of them: _Rules of Ascension_ and _Seeds of Betrayal_. The same books that she had seen Jill with just a few days before. It was odd. No matter what book any of their friends had, the others were sure to have them as well, or at least they'd have borrowed them at some time so that they had all read the same books. She supposed that it was good that they were not only all into the same things, but that they were into reading instead of video games or whatever the popular thing was now. She took one last look around the room and, satisfied that everything was in its place, she went back downstairs to finish the laundry.

………………………………………………………………………………...

First of all, the cow said "moo." Then the moo turned around and said "cow" right back. And everyone was happy because the moo and the cow were getting along splendidly. (Okay, I know it's a bit random, but it should be expected, especially if you know me at all).

End of Chapter 5


	6. The Other Place

Chapter 6: The Other Place

The Lady Polgara was angry. Silk had left a few hours ago and had still not returned. It was just after noon, and they needed to get ready to leave Val Alorn in the morning.

"Where _is_ he?" she said for about the millionth time.

"Relax, Pol," Belgarath said. "He'll be back."

"But father, what if he doesn't come back? What if he's hurt? What if…"

"Enough of the 'what ifs', Pol. No sense in worrying. What will happen will happen."

Polgara gave Belgarath a very level look, which he completely ignored.

"I'll bet Silk got sidetracked by some merchant and is now ripping the poor guy off. Either that or he's in some tavern, cheating at dice," Garion said. He had known Silk for a while now, and these really were the most likely explanations.

"You know what I think," Barak said, smirking. "I think he got hit from behind, dragged into a cheese shop, stuck in a box, and transported to another world by sorcery."

Polgara was about to reprimand him, but Belgarath, who had caught on to the joke, spoke before she could, also smirking.

"And I bet the label on the bow says 'imported silk'."

"Stop it both of you. We all know that's impossible!"

"Nothing's impossible, Pol," Belgarath replied. He, Barak, and Garion burst out laughing. Polgara looked skyward, said "Men!" and left the room.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Durnik and Hettar were walking through the streets of Val Alorn, trying to enjoy one last afternoon of rest before the journey got started again. They were also trying to get to know each other, seeing as they had just met.

At first, Durnik had been slightly apprehensive about this tall, fierce-looking Algar warrior, but, after a bit of discussion, he discovered that he had a lot in common with Hettar.

Hettar decided that he liked this Sendarian blacksmith. He could see that Durnik was very kind and put his heart and soul into everything he did, which was something that was highly valued in ALgaria.

The two of them turned to look out at the harbor. They could see their ship being prepared to sail. Just then a man approached them from behind with a message from King Anheg.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Anheg of Cherek sat in his study reading over a report with a worried frown. Unable to concentrate any longer, he set the report down on the table and crossed to the window. He stood looking out at Val Alorn, his mind trying to push away the thing that was worrying him, but it was impossible.

Anheg stood staring out the window for a few minutes thinking about the problem at hand, but his thoughts were interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in," he said.

One of his soldiers came in carrying a tankard and a barrel of ale under one arm. "Where do you want this, Anheg?"

King Anheg turned. "Well, it's about time. Stick it over there by the table. And don't forget to fill the tankard."

The soldier complied. Just before leaving, he turned to his king and said, "Oh, by the way, Anheg, the people you wanted to see are here."

"All of them?"

"How should I know how many there were?"

"Just send them in," he scowled.

A few minutes later, Polgara, Belgarath, Garion, Durnik, Hettar, and Barak filed in. King Anheg, in the act of drinking deeply from his tankard, motioned to them to find a seat. Once they were seated, it became clear that Anheg was struggling with something, so Belgaratht decided to help, or rather to bully it out of him.

"Alright, Anheg. You've dragged us all up here, so will you just hurry up and get to the point. What is it?"

Anheg looked at him, uncertainty and apprehension written on his face.

"Anheg," Belgarath said. "We're never going to get anywhere if you don't do something. Just tell us what's wrong."

King Anheg pointed at the note he had received earlier that was lying on the table. Polgara, who was closest, reached over and grabbed it. Her calm expression turned to one of shock as she read.

"Oh, dear," she said a few moments later, after the gravity of the message had sunk in. Belgarath reached fop the note and she handed it to him silently. He, too, became stunned when he looked at it. Everyone in the room was staring at him, and, after he became aware of this, he began to read it out loud.

"_Dear King Anheg_

_I know that you have other matters on your mind right now, so I'll keep this short. Kheldar has been captured. I don't know how, or by who, but I did see him being dragged into a building. He was unconscious, so it obviously wasn't his choice to go, and seeing as it _is_ your kingdom and Silk just happens to be a good friend of yours, I'd assumed that you would want to know. I'm quite sure that you'll be wanting to do something about soon. I don't know much about those who kidnapped him, so there's no telling how long they'll keep him alive. Don't forget that he's Rhodar's only nephew and Rhodar has no children as of yet. You'd better count yourself lucky that I didn't go off and tell Rhodar right from the beginning, but out of respect for you I decided to give you time to act first before informing my king. Good day to you, Anheg, and good luck trying to avoid a conflict with Drasnia over this."_

The room was silent as Belgarath finished reading the note. The stunned silence was broken by a soft voice coming from Barak.

"Who sent this to you, Anheg?"

"I don't know. Probably one of Rhodar's little cohorts (they're all spies anyway) but that's not the probem. The problem is figuring out what to d-"

At that moment, there was a knock on the door, which swung open a few seconds later to admit Brand, the Rivan Warder; Cho-Hag of Algaria, who was being supported by one of the Cherek soldiers; and none other than King Rhodar of Drasnia himself. After the soldiers had left and closed the door, Rhodar looked around the room with a cheery smile.

"Anheg, my friend, "he said in a voice just as cheery. "You should have told us you were having a council."

"Rhodar, I…" Anheg spluttered. All at once, Rhodar dropped his cheerful act.

"Look Anheg, I already know what's happened, just as I know about that note. No less than half a dozen spies saw what happened to Silk, and that fellow who wrote you the note was only one of them. The rest all came straight to me. I don't blame you, Anheg. I can't blame you for what happened to my nephew anymore than you can blame me for what happened to your soldiers."

"Rhodar, I'm sorr… hey, wait!" Anheg exclaimed. "_What_ happened to my soldiers?"

"Umm, never mind. It doesn't matter."

"Yes, it does, Rhodar. Tell me what exactly-"

"That's not important right now. What _is_ important is finding Silk. If we get to him before he's hurt, we'll call it even, ok? Now, let's get down to business."

End of Chapter 6


	7. What the!

Chapter 7: What The…!

Bruno's class was boring that day. Graduated cylinders suck, so does homework. Who really cares about percent error, anyway? Oh, by the way, I think it should be known that there is no Honors Chemistry class in the middle of the summer. Bruno is still on vacay, as are the students. Not to mention this story is supposed to be the summer after 9th grade and before 10th grade, and at S.F. you don't have Chem until 10th grade, so this whole section really makes absolutely no sense at all. I'd advise you to just ignore it completely (the section, not the chapter).

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Adrienne's sad puppy makes her look like an idiotic dork. You _do_ know what a dork is, right? I should walk up to her and, "Hey, whale male genitalia." Nah, I'm just joking. Oh, yeah, the story. Heh heh. And now, back to your Cheese.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Wi not trei a holiday in Sweden this yér? See the loveli lakes. The wonderful telephone system. And mani interesting furry animals. Including the majestik moose. A moose once bit my sister… No, realli! She was karving her initials on the moose with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush given her by Swenge, her brother-in-law, and Oslo dentist and star of many Norwegian movies: "The Hot Hands of an Oslo Dentist," "Fillings of Passion," "The Huge Molars of Hocst Hocdlink"…

WE APOLOGISE FOR THE FAULT IN THE SUBTITLES. THOSE RESPONSIBLE HAVE BEEN SACKED.

Mynd you, moose bytes kan be pretty nasti…

WE APOLOGISE AGAIN FOR THE FAULT IN THE SUBTITLES. THOSE RESPONSIBE FOR SACKING THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE JUST BEEN SACKED, HAVE BEEN SACKED.

(You may have noticed that this section has absolutely nothing to do with the story and involves some rather horrible spelling. Of course you might recognize it as the opening of "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," an awesome movie in my opinion. Oh, well. I'll try to cut back on the randomness.)

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The wise Sir Bedeviere was the first to join King Arthur's knights, but other illustrious names were soon to follow; Sir Lancelot the Brave; Sir Gallahad the Pure; and Sir Robin the-not-quite-so-brave-as-Sir Lancelot, who had nearly fought the Dragon of Angnor, who had nearly stood up to the vicious Chicken of Bristol, and who had personally wet himself at the Battle of Baden Hill; and the aptly named Sir Not-Appearing-In-This-Film.

(More Monty Python. I love that movie, as you can probably tell.)

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Tim: There he is!

Arthur: Where?

Tim: There!

Arthur: What, behind the rabbit?

Tim: He is the rabbit.

Arthur: You silly sot! You got us all worked up!

Tim: Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! That's the most foul, cruel, and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on.

Robin: You tit. I soiled my armor I was so scared.

Tim: look, that rabbit's got a vicious streak a mile wide, it's a killer!

Robin: Manky Scotch git!

Tim: I'm warning you…

Robin: What's he do, nibble your bum?

Tim: He's got huge, sharp… he can leap about… look at the bones!

Arthur: Go on, Bors, chop it's head off.

Bors: Right. Silly little beater. One rabbit stew comin' right up!

Tim: Look!

(rabbit flies at Bors and kills him)

Arthur: Jesus Christ!

Tim: I warned you. I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you know all, don't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? Well, it's always the same, I always tell them t…

Arthur: Oh, do shut up! Right, charge!

(knight charge. Lots of fighting. Rabbit wins.)

Arthur: Run away! Run away!

(they run away)

Arthur: Right. How many did we lose?

Lancelot: Gawain.

Gallahad: Ector.

Arthur: And Bors, that's five.

Gallahad: Three, sir.

Arthur: Three, three. Well, we'd better not risk another frontal assault, that rabbit's dynamite.

Robin: Would it help to confuse it if we ran away some more?

Arthur: No. And go and change your armor.

Gallahad: Here. Let us taunt it. It may become so cross that it make a mistake.

Arthur: Like what?

Gallahad: I don't know. Do we have bows?

Arthur: No.

Lancelot: We have the Holy Hand Grenade.

Arthur: Yes, of course! The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch! It is one of the sacred relics Brother Maynard carries with him. Brother Maynard! Bring up the Holy Hand Grenade!

(monks chanting and shuffling, then hand HHG to Arthur)

Arthur: How does it, umm, how does it work?

Lancelot: I know not, my liege.

Arthur: Consult the book of Armaments!

Brother Maynard: Armaments chapter two, verses 9 through 21.

Brother Gilbert: And Saint Etalot raised the hand grenade up on high saying, "Oh, Lord, bless this Thy hand grenade that with it Thou might blow Thine enemies to tiny bits in Thy mercy." And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs, and oats, and carp, and anchovies, and orangutans, and breakfast cereals, and fruit bats, and…

Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother.

Brother Gilbert: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy pin, then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three will be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, accepting thou shalt then proceed to three. Five is right out! Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

Brother Maynard: Amen.

All: Amen.

Arthur: Right. (pulls out pin) One, two, five!

Gallahad: Three, sir!

Arthur: Three. (throws hand grenade. Bunny blows up.)

End of Chapter 7


	8. Ok, Umm, That Was Strange

Chapter 8: Ok, Umm, That Was Strange

When Stephi got out of the car in front of Jill's house all she saw was Tedder sprawled out in Jill's yard. Even though she didn't know where Jill was, the fact that Cheds was there meant that Jill _had_ to be. Silk-a-Silk (Stephi's other nickname) waved to her mom, who then drove off. Silk-aSilk turned and approached the Chedward in the Jill's yard.

"Tedder, where's Jill?"

"I think… I don't know. I forget."

"Do you have any idea at all?"

"I think they might have gone to the woods."

"Okay, where are the woods?"

"Somewhere off in that direction." (Vague hand gesture)

"Tedder, just get up and show me."

"Oh, fine," Tedder grumbled as she got to her feet. "The woods are right down there. They're probably at the Rock Bridge. It's right inside, so you can't possibly miss it unless you're really retarded ("like you"). If they're not at the Rock Bridge, they're at the bike jumps. Just cross the bridge, turn right, and follow the trail until see the giant mounds of dirt. Tell Jill I said bye."

"You're not coming?"

"Are you insane? I'm going home so I can be lazy sitting under my tree. See you later."

Silk-a-Silk watched Tedder get on her bike and ride slowly away. Then Silk-a-Silk, who had absolutely no confidence whatsoever in Tedder's directions, turned and went down into the woods.

She found the Rock Bridge easily enough. It was right there, just like Chedward had said, but Jill _wasn't_ there. There _was_ a trail off to the right across the stream, and Silk-a-Silk decided that she might as well try. However, right in the middle of crossing the bridge, she stopped. There was a group of people coming in her direction, following the path. As she looked closer, she recognized some of them, their voices as well.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

It was quiet. There was no movement in the dark clearing of the forest. Calm and cool, it was peaceful, yet somehow eerie.

Suddenly, the air in the center of the clearing seemed to waver, then darken. A figure stepped out of the blackness, and the hole closed behind it. The strange figure looked around, then began walking confidently, as if it were following some silent instructions.

Once again, the clearing was still.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Cow. What kind of cow? Moo Cow. Hehe. Sorry about this, at least to those of you who aren't, well, uh, aren't, umm, Stephi. I know how much she wants to read about meeting Silk, so I felt the need to make her suffer. Plus, I'm having a blah day, and my inspiration is stretched a little thin. Oh, well.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Jessica Tedder stopped her bike and dropped it in the front yard. She briefly considered going inside to get a drink before deciding that she was too lazy. She flopped down underneath her tree and watched the little people play.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The fog was thick. It lay over everything like a blanket, making everything look hazy and muffling any sound that might have been made.

The lone building appeared to be dark and silent, but that was only on the outside. Inside, there was something at once terrible and awesome. Frightening, yet fascinating. It was the stuff of Adrienne's nightmares. That's right. Inside, past the thick fog and silent exterior, there was… a Mexican Fiesta!

There was music. There was dancing. There was a very strange, very short blonde wearing a serape and a sombrero over a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, who was dancing around and holding up signs that signified the passing of time ("2 Days Later" for example). Perhaps the strangest thing of all were the three Supreme Court Justices, two guys and one girl, who were dancing and randomly head-banging in time to the music, and, yes, they were all wearing their official black Supreme Court robes (though strangely they seemed to be more like cloaks and capes belonging to Halloween costumes). Even stranger was the fact that these Justices looked like teenagers. In fact, one of them looked exactly like the aforementioned blonde, who was now nowhere to be seen.

Other than that, there was nothing else wrong here. After all, there's absolutely nothing unusual about large groups of people getting together and having a fiesta in the middle of nowhere, inside a seemingly empty building.

One song, a bolero, had just ended (for those of you who are retards and don't play Zelda, or who don't own the Versus Books version of the Zelda cheatbook, a bolero is a lively Spanish dance in triple meter). As the new song started, two of the Justices (the guys) decided to start a conga-line. The other Justice was missing, but the strange, small blonde with the serape and sombrero was on the other side of the room dancing around with a large group of fellow partiers.

Just as they were about to start up the mechanical bull, one of the men came into the room carrying a large tray of nachos, bringing a cheer from the gathered crowd.

Much as I'd like to stay here and describe the rest of this Mexican Fiesta, I'm afraid I can't. You see, if I were to stay here in this extremely fun environment, I could go on forever about it (and believe me, I probably would). So, yet again and somewhat regretfully, back to your cheese.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Makova! I just met a dude named Makova! And suddenly that name will never be the same to me. Makova! Pay him lots and he'll do what you're saying. Pay him little and he'll go back to praying. Makova. I'll never stop paying Makova!

(Okay, so I lied)

………………………………………………………………………………………………

The voice echoed down the empty hallway. The owner of the voice stood outside of a room that was full people sitting at desks, watching. One of the people in the room opened the door, and those inside could now hear the exact words of the song.

"Here's to Mother Russia

While you sleep in bed

We will conquer space

And all you see is Red!"

It was sung in a Russian accent (duh) by a very strange, very small blonde. Those who had opened the door pretended to arrest her.

Some months later, the same blonde and group who had "arrested" her were all sitting together in that very same room singing a very different song (with no accent whatsoever).

"Now, now, now Chambon, you know what they say

We do not want a pop quiz today

We do not want one, why can't you see?

We do not want it 'cause you killed a tree."

They then proceeded on to the next song.

"Hey, now Chambon, why'd you kill that tree?

You're meaner than Mille, hey

Why'd you kill that tree?"

(I'm certain that some of you are so dumb that you have absolutely no clue who the aforementioned people in the last 3 sections are, but, well, you should! The signs are everywhere, pointing right at the oh-so-obvious answer, but for those of you who truly are complete idiots… I'm not telling! Ha! Did you really think that I'd take the time to explain the self-explanatory to losers like you? You idiots! By the way, I only know one kid from Russia, and she doesn't have an accent at all. And no, I'm not from Russia at all, I was born and bred here in the good old USA just like the past 4 or 5 generations of my family, nor do I have any Russian or Hispanic in my background whatsoever. I'm of 100 percentpureblooded German heritage, and I just happen to be really good at changing the way I speak so it sounds like I have an accent. Any accent.)

(Yes, I know that I just ended one set of parentheses, but this one has a completely different subject, so here it is: By now you should have picked up on the fact that I tend to be more than just a bit random, and indeed, by now you should even expect it. Also, as I'm sure you've noticed by this point in time, I'm not exactly what you would call normal. I'm anything but normal. Insane serves the purpose as well as anything else, but isn't entirely accurate. I think we can just settle on I'm rather strange, so let's leave it at that. Anyways, cow says moo, moo says cow, and all the elves go party.)


End file.
